We’re all allowed self-indulgent moments of worry and doubt, right? Because sometimes I really wonder how I will ever possibly become a good doctor. I no longer live every day in fear that I will have to drop out of med school, and I’m also not really worried about the distant future. When I picture Future-Me (circa 2036) I see an EXCELLENT doctor who is comfortable around her patients, comfortable with herself and what she practices, and who has also grown 3 inches since 2011 but has no wrinkles or extra weight – weird.
It’s the time betweeeeen Present-Day-Me and Future-Me that I worry about. I’m pretty good at taking written tests, and I’m certainly fine with talking to people under normal circumstances (which is all I really need to be good at for the moment). But when it comes time to take someone’s health history, or to actually have to touch someone and perform a physical exam (things that I imagine will be somewhat important as a doctor) – I completely freeze up and get so awkward!
I’m terrified each Thursday afternoon by the thought that my preceptor (the doctor I shadow) might actually make me do something, anything with a patient. The idea of going to clinic also scares me, even though it’s completely student-run (ok, sooome of the reason I don’t go to clinic might also be laziness). And it is SO far away, but I’m already nervous about third year rotations.
I know, I know, the more I practice, the more second-nature and less awkward all of these things will get. But when does that transition happen?? And more importantly, when do I grow those 3 inches??