Friday, December 30, 2011

Cool-Down Lap

Back in the days of my athletic prowess as a star player bench-warmer on my high school lacrosse team, we used to have timed 2-mile runs before lots of practices.  After you finished that 8th lap on the track, you had to walk one more lap to cool down, because stopping suddenly could probably kill you... or something like that.  This 10-day glorious vacation feels a little like that cool-down lap.  We've been going-going-going, and really pushed it out for our last exam on the 23rd which was on dermatology and cardiology (two subjects that naturally fit well together), and then suddenly it was over and we have over a week off from school.

But if they gave us NOTHING to do over break, then it would be like coming to a complete stop after running two miles, and we might get muscle cramps.  So thankfully they scheduled a test for us on January 4 to make sure we maintained a slight jog throughout break.  Don't get me wrong, up through Christmas we (I'm assuming all of us) were in the stage of hands on your knees, slightly doubled-over, huffing and puffing, can't move even another step.  But now I'm back up to a slow jog.

This test is for our Physician's Core class, Advanced Physical Diagnosis.  It's pass-fail, so no one seems to take it that seriously, but we've been warned that it's quite possible to fail, and we've seen the proof in the unhappy-looking third-years that show up to our lectures each week.  Not wanting to be THAT third-year, I am doing what I call relaxed-studying over break.  While my family watches TV, I sit with them ...but with my Physical Exam text book open.  When my family needs help cleaning up the kitchen, I can claim I'm too busy studying (shh, don't tell them).  And for a couple hours every couple days, I am actually legitimately studying.

The problem with this cool-down lap though, is that it's not really a cool-down lap at all because at the end of it it's not like we get to hit the showers, drink gatorade, and talk sh*t about our coach (what? we never did that in high school...).

intervals, nooo
So it's really more like my most dreaded runs in high school - intervals - where you sprint the long side of the field, then jog the short end, then sprint the long end, etc. etc. for like, a million hours 20 minutes.  Right now we're jogging along the short edge of the field, but that long edge is coming up again soon.  In high school, I would get so behind during the sprinting portion that during the jogging portion I would try to make up for it and catch up to everyone, of course making me that much more tired when the sprinting section came back and pulling me further behind.  Luckily I'm a much better studier than I am a runner, and I'm saving up most of my studying energy for our 5-month sprint when we return.  Now, if only you burned the same amount of calories from studying as you do from running...

My middle school lacrosse team. I'm goofy-looking #16

[I very recently discovered this ability to cross words out.  Expect to see more of it in the future right now.]

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Pinky Swear

 I PROMISE there will be a new post on Friday.  It's already written and everything!

Friday, December 9, 2011


"A young person typically gets atypical pneumonia"

Who comes up with the names of these things??

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Pop Quiz

 Questions I wish were on yesterday's exam, and their corresponding slides from lecture:

1. When following the correct protocol for an autopsy, the patient should be:
A. Alive
B. Dead
C. Zombie

2. Who do corticosteroids work on?
A. No one
B. Some people
C. Everyone

Answers: 1) B  2) C

Friday, December 2, 2011

The People Who Live in My Brain

Now I could be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure there are lots of little people that live in my head and are responsible for making my brain work (we somehow must have skipped that chapter in anatomy...).  I imagine a highly organized factory that is my body, and all the employees have been working together for years and years (25 years and about 9 months to be exact) so they're quite good at what they do, and they only mess up some of the time ("Time to open the urethral sphincters" "But it's the middle of the night, do we really want to wake her to go the bathroom?" "Too late, the wheels are set in motion, she's gotta go NOW").

hi-ho, hi-ho
Unfortunately for me, the workers are part of a very powerful union which enforces very strict work hour regulations.  As a result, I have a limit or cap on my weekly productivity.  Sometimes I try to trick my employees by drinking lots of caffeine, and that usually works in the short term.  Like a couple Fridays ago, I studied almost straight from 7 am until 2 am with the help of my good friends Coffee and Diet Mountain Dew (great friends, they really have such addictive personalities, hardy-har-har).  But if I am above-average productive on one day, then my body needs to balance that out by being below-average productive the next because of these ridiculous union rules.

So even with 8 hours of sleep after that productive day (falling asleep took some help from my friend Bad White Wine), the next day I was SO UNPRODUCTIVE.  MY BRAIN EMPLOYEES WENT ON STRIKE:

"We worked for 17 hours yesterday, we deserve a day off," they argued.

"But I have a test in two days, you can have a break on Monday," I argued back.

"But we want to read Perez Hilton for 6 hours," they counter-offered.

"But there are 43 autonomic drugs to learn, and that's only one fifth of the test!" I angrily spat back.

"But if we don't read these stupid articles on the Internet, who will?  WHO WILL?!"

And so I probably did a total of 5 hours of work the whole day on Saturday, which is unacceptable since I was in the study room for about 10.  But then Sunday, my loyal friend Stress thankfully stopped by the office and whipped my workers back into shape so that I wouldn't fail on Monday.  Phew.

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Does anyone watch Jeopardy?  If so, I hope you noticed the answer tonight whose question was, "What is a cakewalk?"  You're welcome.  that's right. i can see into jeopardy future.