Friday, December 2, 2011

The People Who Live in My Brain

Now I could be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure there are lots of little people that live in my head and are responsible for making my brain work (we somehow must have skipped that chapter in anatomy...).  I imagine a highly organized factory that is my body, and all the employees have been working together for years and years (25 years and about 9 months to be exact) so they're quite good at what they do, and they only mess up some of the time ("Time to open the urethral sphincters" "But it's the middle of the night, do we really want to wake her to go the bathroom?" "Too late, the wheels are set in motion, she's gotta go NOW").

hi-ho, hi-ho
Unfortunately for me, the workers are part of a very powerful union which enforces very strict work hour regulations.  As a result, I have a limit or cap on my weekly productivity.  Sometimes I try to trick my employees by drinking lots of caffeine, and that usually works in the short term.  Like a couple Fridays ago, I studied almost straight from 7 am until 2 am with the help of my good friends Coffee and Diet Mountain Dew (great friends, they really have such addictive personalities, hardy-har-har).  But if I am above-average productive on one day, then my body needs to balance that out by being below-average productive the next because of these ridiculous union rules.

So even with 8 hours of sleep after that productive day (falling asleep took some help from my friend Bad White Wine), the next day I was SO UNPRODUCTIVE.  MY BRAIN EMPLOYEES WENT ON STRIKE:

"We worked for 17 hours yesterday, we deserve a day off," they argued.

"But I have a test in two days, you can have a break on Monday," I argued back.

"But we want to read Perez Hilton for 6 hours," they counter-offered.

"But there are 43 autonomic drugs to learn, and that's only one fifth of the test!" I angrily spat back.

"But if we don't read these stupid articles on the Internet, who will?  WHO WILL?!"

And so I probably did a total of 5 hours of work the whole day on Saturday, which is unacceptable since I was in the study room for about 10.  But then Sunday, my loyal friend Stress thankfully stopped by the office and whipped my workers back into shape so that I wouldn't fail on Monday.  Phew.


  1. This is so funny, I imagine the SAME thing! Although I picture my workers in a room filled with filing cabinets sorting the information and then filing it in the appropriate cabinet. When I get in panic mode I picture one worker frantically pulling open drawers and flinging files desperately searching for that tidbit of knowledge while all the others are curled up in the fetal position.

  2. Love this post, and blog! Have just this minute linked to it :)